Bah?

So, I'm normally a pretty happy, relaxed person. Well not relaxed - I get excited a lot, bounce around, you know the jazz - what I mean is, I don't get angry. Almost never am I angry or snappy.

Something special is now on it's way in the post.

Something that will change my life.

I am excited, in the explosive, I want to jump up and down and such, way.

Yet I am also very, very snappy all of a sudden. My patience has just evaporated. And yeah, I'm angry as well as excited. And I don't even know why. I'm just angry.

Maybe it's because I'm at work and can't bounce. Maybe it's because my body is currently tearing itself apart and it fucking hurts and it means I can't pack and I have to use the ladies toilets and it feels like fucking defeat. Maybe it's because my psych appointment is on Wednesday and I'm worried because I fucking hate shrinks and the buggering around my local services are giving me. It's been since Easter! Maybe it's because I figured I'd have one last unhealthy treat before worrying about my arteries and it was gonna be crackling and I burned it. Maybe it's just because one or two of the few people I've told are so worried that I'm just gonna dose myself up without checking stuff out. I'm not stupid. I'm really fucking tempted to, but, I don't want to die now that I have a possible future.

At least my family don't get on that track - they know me well enough regarding that kind of thing that they didn't even mention it, just gave me advice on injections and needles and possibly getting people who are trained to do it (Boots, for instance, used to perform such a service, according to my step-mother).

So my current plan is to get to the doctors, get some tests, and get a nice nurse to jab me in the arse once I'm sure it's safe.