The Phobia

I am currently working on an extreme case of needle phobia, because I have the elixir of life, I have the needles, but I cannot bear them. What a horror.

I was thinking other people may have a similar issue. I won't let it hold me back, but I know if I just go ahead and do it I may spazz out and fuck it up - I need to be calm.

First, I went to get the needles. That was bad enough. There was a wall covered in them.

Then I laid them all out, with the rest of the kit, beside my bed. I see them when I wake up and when I go to sleep.

Today I have been carrying one (a syringe with a capped, protected needle, still in it's sterile baggie) around with me. This in itself is a big step as I am starting to feel less sick at it's presence. I've nicknamed it Sting, because at one point early in the morning I was looking at my video collection whilst trying not to freak out, and as I (geek,geek,geek) use the litany against fear already, my eyes rested on my Dune video, which has Sting on the spine as Feyd-Ruatha. :lol:

Anyhow. I am also looking at pictures of injections, reading (vivid, detailed, ewew) instructions, and have actually watched a video but it made me squirm so I'll leave that for tomorrow.

It.. Seems to be working.

I figured out, you see, that my needle fear started after the age of seven or eight.

You know what I remember from then?

I had my appendix out.

One day I woke up after the operation, came out of the fever or whatever, and needed the loo.

I remember swinging my legs off the bed, and standing up. Only I didn't stand up because I seemed to have forgotten how to walk or stand and I just sort of slid to the floor.

The drip and all tore out of my hand, and when they put it back in they couldn't get a vein at first.

They eventually put this plungery thing in, that they could put different things in without having to find the vein again. It was horrible, like a plastic tube stuck out of my hand with a needle going into my body.

Anyhow, I think that may be what put me off needles. Because I didn't care before.