WELLLLL

Most of the time I like being on my own. I don't have to worry that someone's going to interrupt a chain of thought, or talk to me, or get upset at me, or make me eat or go to sleep or whatever.

But sometimes I don't like being on my own.

I had a visitor over the weekend. She's fab. I saved up so I could take her out, because she treated me when I visited her in August.

Shocking how cold it is here, already. They say by the end of the week we'll be into single figures. That's living by the sea for you.

Anyhow. She makes me feel good. And also sometimes bad.

Like my hands, you know? Sometimes I look at my hands and they just don't look right; too soft and small. But other times I look at them and they look okay; a bit veiny, just enough to reassure me that they're not girly.

It's odd.

Tonight I'm feeling very alone, and it's stupid because I'm not really alone; I can call, text, webchat, and so on.. But I liked that I could reach out and cuddle someone this weekend. It was brilliant. And I love that I can hug her and lose myself in her colour.

But now, my flat's dark and quiet again and there's just me in my dressing gown and the sound of my keyboard and I want a hug.

When it's cold outside, and dark, and quiet.. I just want to hug someone I love, and have that quiet stillness-of-mind that I can't seem to get on days like this alone.