Someday, some time

Sometimes, I feel like this is all a dream.

Sometimes, I feel like it's a nightmare.

Sometimes I think it's too much hassle and I just want to go to bed and not get back up.

Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and do it without the health checks.

Sometimes I feel like it's taking over my life.

Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing giving me life.

Sometimes it amuses me when I can't find my packer.

Sometimes the thought of going to bed makes me want to never sleep again.

Sometimes I enjoy the pain of wearing my binder for too long.

Sometimes, I never want to bathe again.

Sometimes my own shape makes me sick.

Someday I'll get my first dose.

Someday I'll never get another letter in my birth name.

Someday my voice won't out me.

Someday I won't need a binder any more.

Someday I might look at myself in a full length mirror.

Someday I might not feel so alone and trapped.

Someday.

I want to be there now.

And it feels like someday is forever away.